My dad was a victim of Alzheimers...I often wondered if the things he shared were reality or fantasy. It was like a light switch.......there were times when dad was completely lucid and then the switch would be off and dad had no idea what was going on around him.
When my dad lived with me, we would take trips and on one of those trips we passed the old children's home in Boise. Dad nonchanlantly said 'my brothers and sisters stayed there.' I thought.....does he know where we are and what he is talking about? He went on to say that he and Margaret, his sister just younger than him didn't have to stay because they were older. He really didn't say where they stayed though either. I asked him a few more questions. I asked him what years he stayed. He couldn't remember. I asked why, he said he couldn't remember. Then I decided he must have the Children's Home mixed up with some where else. But for some reason, this far away thought has been invading the very essence of my being......all week, this singular thought has been passing through the deep recesses of my soul. Was it true? Did dad's siblings really stay there? If so, how long? Why would they stay there? How would I find out? Where were my grandparents? What does that say about the way my grandparents raised my father? How did that affect him? Is that why my dad was so kind with his words? Could that be one of the reasons my father never hugged me? Was the pain of being separated from his siblings and parents too great that he didn't want to feel that pain again.......so he was careful about not getting 'too close' to his children or his wife? To answer some of those questions, I contacted the Children's Home in Boise. The culmination of this discourse was the receipt of an email from a worker at the Children's Home. She sent me a document that shows which siblings stayed there and for how long. The document also shows the reason.... My grandfather was a cruel and vicious man. He was selfish and unkind. He left his wife with 6 children to fend for themselves. My grand father was a drinker (I know this because of the contents of his refrigerator). He drank away EVERY dime he ever had. My father, not wanting to be anything like his father went the opposite way. Too unselfish and too kind..... I see my children stuggling with addictions and I wonder.....does this mean it is in our genes? Are we destined to repeat the mistakes of our grand parents? Has my burning desire to not just DO genealogy but to understand my grandparents a pathway to help my children, grand children and great grand children avoid the pitfuls of the past? To be aware that genetically, my (THEIR) history is full of addiction abuse. Families were ripped apart! Lives were destroyed.... My grand father had the gospel...he had wealth...prestige...the love of family...my grand father chose the life he lead. He chose to turn his back on the gospel...wealth...prestige...family...he chose to take that first, second and subsequent drink. He chose to feed his alcohol addiction....he chose to feed the body and not the spirit... His family and subsequently, his grandchildren, great grand children and so on and so forth....are suffering the consequences of those choices....
I pray each and every day that this will be a lesson to my children, grandchildren and so on and so forth...help them understand the dire consequences that follow in the choices they make. Help them to break the cycle of addiction abuse. You are only fooling yourself if you think that just because you have an addiction your children will not. They will...and it will be 10 fold! Help them understand the choices they make will affect those around them. If they chose to follow the path which takes them further from the Lord it will affect them and their children.
Again.......this man I called 'father' was a victim of this cycle. But I could see he tried to always be kind and generous. He was loved by many and I was fortunate enough to see the goodness of his spirit. As the years pass....although he is not here on this earth any more.....I understand him more and more. I feel a kinship and bond with him that is not merely because I was born his daughter......I understand him. I know who he was. I know the love he had for those who are children of our Heavenly Father. My father never said an unkind word or gossiped about any body. He only saw the good in those whom he knew.....whether friend or foe...(although I do not know of any one he would call enemy.) As the time of the anniversary of his death nears.....I reflect on the glorious opportunity I had to have him live with me. To know more and more about the man I called 'father'. I realize I miss him, even the shell he had become. I miss going into the home and seeing him. I miss slipping him a little bit of chocolate....I miss his crystal clear blue eyes. I miss the kindness I felt... It has been 3 years since the time of his passing from this earth....it hurts as much as the day he left.....I miss him.....
2 Years!
5 years ago
